ZAS: The Process

Am I still a "Noble Wife"?  I had this blog "qualified" for the "Noble Wife's Ring" a mainstream Christian female blog feeder.  What was I thinking?  Because while life changes, blogs are forever.  When I came back to visit my very neglected blogs, this is the reason why.  This Blog.

It happened to be the 7th of January that I wrote and printed out the cancellation of our marriage -- my resignation as "The Beautiful Wife."  I wonder if I can still be a "Noble Wife" albeit a "Noble First Wife" (I like that so much better than ex-wife!).  My husband took it hard, as I knew he would.  We agree, though, that it is the right thing to do even though neither of us really wants to do it.

So why am I doing something I really don't want to do.  Because I really KNOW that its the right thing to do, but I KNOW my doing it will hurt my husband or my daughter, and I know that because it hurts me too.  And the last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone, especially them.  But, the truth is, to change something as intimate as a small family like our's hurts.

There's no way around it, there's only the process of dissolving the marriage and the continual renewal of commitment to communication, focus of priorities (a healthy relationship), an acknowledgment of feelings (he's way better at that than I am!), and a constant reminder that we must be aware of each of our shifting emotional attachment and how they can sneak up on you in ways you never expected.

The promises we made when we got married are not going to change, really.  Ok, except maybe the logistics and the dynamics of our relationship that will shift dramatically, but "love and cherish" ... yes, we are determined to do that the rest of our lives, even if it is just as friends.  And, as I know that my first husband happens to be friends with all of his significant ex-girlfriends, that if we cannot remain friends that is on me.  Not the only challenge he gave me in this process, but by far it is the most daunting.

To know that the process of becoming requires you to make difficult decisions you know are right and maintain the discipline to see them through even when its just so easy to go back to how it was.  But, the truth is, there is no going back to what was, because that no longer exists.  There is only the future and what determines that is your journey.  I just wonder why some of those evangelical noble wives would think of my new job.  

peace & harmony,
elaine x
'liberties are best taken straight up!' - niki v.

"Christians" playing at "Christmas"

i love the holiday season. as a child it pretty much sucked. my mom was "forced" by us kids to cop to the "American consumer Christmas" . . . and when she fought to maintain some kind of balance with what she knew christmas was about, she was in so much denial of herself that it was forced and, of course, we rebelled against the lies her actions made of her words. its only a natural thing for a child to do.

so . . . what, as i wonder with all these Escalades roaming around right now, shopping at walmart filling up their car as fast as they can and rolling home to empty it before heading to toys-r-us to fill it up again . . . on the back of their car they wear their calling cards: a yellow ribbon to support the troops, the little boy kneeling before the cross praying, and for good measure, "my child is on the honor role" . . . a proud Christian, American parent.

you know, jesus was a rebel. that's what he did his entire life. took what was presented as "real" and the "truth" and he challenged it, and quite forthrightly told people when they were not being consistent. and you thought he merely died for your sins . . . that's funny. he died for the sins of everyone who wouldn't stand with him in support of the truth that we all really know but are usually so far in denial that it is our responsibility to stand up for it . . . yes, i suppose he did die for your sins and those like you who lived at his time.

Is ANYHING we see around us consistent?

what is missing is the "why?" from our self-reflective experience life is supposed to be . . . that inward journey to find god while interacting in the world.

i don't know, i'm just looking for a couple of christians who think that it is inappropriate for my 3rd grade daughter's elementary school's "dance team" performs a dance to "Candy Girl" for the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day parade here in las vegas . . . seems to me, that a song about boys talking about how sexy, hot and tasty their girls are is not quite appropriate?

and even after all this time denial is still the modus operandi, "Christians" . . . i have yet to meet one, a 'christian' that is, here in las vegas, and las vegas has more churches per capita than any other place in the united states and all those churches are filled with really good "Christians."

am i the weird one?

peace & harmony,
elaine
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!'