January 14, 2013

ZAS: The Process

Am I still a "Noble Wife"?  I had this blog "qualified" for the "Noble Wife's Ring" a mainstream Christian female blog feeder.  What was I thinking?  Because while life changes, blogs are forever.  When I came back to visit my very neglected blogs, this is the reason why.  This Blog.

It happened to be the 7th of January that I wrote and printed out the cancellation of our marriage -- my resignation as "The Beautiful Wife."  I wonder if I can still be a "Noble Wife" albeit a "Noble First Wife" (I like that so much better than ex-wife!).  My husband took it hard, as I knew he would.  We agree, though, that it is the right thing to do even though neither of us really wants to do it.

So why am I doing something I really don't want to do.  Because I really KNOW that its the right thing to do, but I KNOW my doing it will hurt my husband or my daughter, and I know that because it hurts me too.  And the last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone, especially them.  But, the truth is, to change something as intimate as a small family like our's hurts.

There's no way around it, there's only the process of dissolving the marriage and the continual renewal of commitment to communication, focus of priorities (a healthy relationship), an acknowledgment of feelings (he's way better at that than I am!), and a constant reminder that we must be aware of each of our shifting emotional attachment and how they can sneak up on you in ways you never expected.

The promises we made when we got married are not going to change, really.  Ok, except maybe the logistics and the dynamics of our relationship that will shift dramatically, but "love and cherish" ... yes, we are determined to do that the rest of our lives, even if it is just as friends.  And, as I know that my first husband happens to be friends with all of his significant ex-girlfriends, that if we cannot remain friends that is on me.  Not the only challenge he gave me in this process, but by far it is the most daunting.

To know that the process of becoming requires you to make difficult decisions you know are right and maintain the discipline to see them through even when its just so easy to go back to how it was.  But, the truth is, there is no going back to what was, because that no longer exists.  There is only the future and what determines that is your journey.  I just wonder why some of those evangelical noble wives would think of my new job.  

peace & harmony,
elaine x
'liberties are best taken straight up!' - niki v.


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