thoughts that drive away sleep

because it must be time to write another entry, my thoughts return again and again to things of the past. things learned, things lost, things experienced.

things learned . . . oh so many hours of my youth spent in church, memorizing scriptures that echo in my mind's voice but lost in the shuffle of the preacher's choice. choice of words and meanings believed to be true, but all jesus said was to be you. "follow me" he said time and again, they didn't get it. they thought they were to be sheep. baaaaa, baaaaa, baaaaa.

and sheep they became rather than the "i am" that he freed for each of us to be like him ... to eclipse him ... to know the kingdom within was the only way. the only way to see god, to receive god, to be god. to be one with god, one first must be who we came to this place to be. and that's not a sheep following someone else, but to be the shepherd, the teacher, the master, the truth, the good news to the lost.

'follow me' he said, not literally as jesus never sought to bind us to a life of slavery. which is what the church and the preacher want us to be, a slave to their understanding no matter how limited it may be. 'follow me' and fulfill the promise, 'greater things than these will you be able to do,' if you so choose not to idolize me, but rather choose to follow me.

things lost . . . the only thing that is lost is the need to say 'baaaaa, baaaaa, baaaaa'. gone is the notion that i have no power, that i choose to exist in a world separate from god, that all my responsibility is lost because he died for me.

things experienced . . . the power of god flowing through my hand, the power of god flowing through my mind. able to merely will that which i want, just like him, which brings forth the thought 'what more can i do?' because god is limitless which means i am too. if i continue to choose not to have jesus save me, but to truly follow him . . . knowing i'm true. just like the truth he said that "i am", birthing myself, my own "i am."

following him, he never looked very far for someone to save him, be merely did it himself. so, follow i must, knowing he can't nor would he try to save me from myself, my life, my destiny, my journey, my name, my 'i am.' the word that existed far before you and me, is the same that exists even today if we choose it to be. down to the core where denial resides, that i am not god is the only true lie.

peace & harmony,
elaine
'freedom must be exercised to stay in shape!'